I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
