We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
