She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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