It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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