When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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