don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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