They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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