when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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