I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
