i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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