I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
