I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
