My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
