I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize