***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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