well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
