Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Operation Purity has been aborted
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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