Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
