i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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