If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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