I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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