I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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