Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
