My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Randomize
