then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
