I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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