Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
