I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
