i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
