I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
