Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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