forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
