You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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