I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
