SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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