New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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