oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
