atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
