I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A+ Viking dick
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
