she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
