I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
