Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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