Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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