found the other keg... it's in the tree
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
