like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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