We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
