The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
