I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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