i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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