I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry about my life...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
