Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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