i permit you to call me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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