She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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