The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
