They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
