If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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