when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
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Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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