the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
