What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
