Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
