i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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