i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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