I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize