were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
