My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
