I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
