No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
