I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
